Because of You
by TooMuchPressure88
Summary: My emotions are trapped inside me, in a safety box that I don’t have the guts to open. Because if I do open it, it feels as if my world will crumble around me." A songfic about Kyle and Cartman's broken relationship. Rated for Slash and mild language


_Because of You_

A South Park songfic

Kyle's POV, KylexCartman

Song: _Because of You_ by Kelly Clarkson

Disclaimer: South Park belongs to Matt and Trey, Because of You belongs to Kelly, I think.

Just took a break from F.F.W.F to write this piece of crap. I just saw the Harry Potter midnight showing, and I got home at about four in the morning with nothing to do. So this little tidbit came out. It's not my best, like I said, 4am. But I hope you like it anyway!

* * *

You know, people say there's loads of differences between me and you. God knows it's true. But everyone is human, you know? We have our ups and our downs, our wrongs and our rights; every human does. And no matter how much I want to believe that I'm better than anyone else in academics, and no matter how much you want to believe that you're better than anyone else in power, it's just not true. Everyone's equal, and everyone screws up.

But there is a big difference between us. When you screw up, you blame it on someone else. You keep doing the same thing over and over and you just don't get it. But I, on the other hand, I learn from my mistakes. I've messed up a lot over the eighteen long years of my life, and I've learned what I've done wrong and what not to do again. And you were one of my faults. I won't let you in again.

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

_Will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

_I will not break the way you did, you fell so hard_

_I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far_

Lots of things have changed since we've been together. Did anyone ever tell you how possessive you were? I think it's related to your attraction to power and control. I was… your _property_. You controlled everything I did and everything I said. I was too scared to do anything about it in fear of losing you. And when I ended it, I thought I'd fixed it. But… you've scarred me for life, dude.

_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you I am afraid_

I wanted so badly to impress you, to make you proud of me. It turned me into something that I'm not. My emotions are trapped inside me, in a safety box that I don't have the guts to open. Because if I do open it, it feels as if my world will crumble around me. Everyone will know that I'm hurting inside. Everyone will know that I'm weak.

_I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out_

_I cannot cry because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life_

_My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with_

But I wasn't the only one with problems. Oh no, you were hurting too; I could tell. All you wanted was somebody to love you, somebody to appreciate you. And you turned to me. Just because I'd always been there. I was easy to manipulate; I fell right into your "changed self". I believed you. And I saw that you were hurting, and I wanted to help so badly. But in trying to help you, I ended up hurting both of us even more.

_I watched you die_

_I heard you cry every night in your sleep_

_I was so young_

_You should have known better than to lean on me_

_You never thought of anyone else_

_You just saw your pain_

_And now I cry in the middle of the night_

_For the same damn thing_

I know that this was not meant to be. We got together for our own selfish needs. And I guess we thought that if it didn't work out we could just walk away and pretend it never happened. But it did happen, and it can't go away. Because I just cared about you so much, it left imprints in my brain of the time we shared. And I know you feel the same way. I know you have trouble doing your evil schemes because your conscious has come out of hiding. Because I brought it out. Because you needed me to.

_Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_

_Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything_

_Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in_

_Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_

_Because of you I am afraid_

_Because of you_


End file.
